Imitating your father

Intro.
1. I am a father. I am delighted to be a father. I am honored to be called "Dad" by my children. This honor has been my privilege for over 40 years. My children bring me joy in a way that lots of other accomplishments do not. I have written some books that have had good results. I wrote a textbook that was used in a number of colleges and seminaries. Another book sold upward toward 100,000 copies. I have written articles for journals and magazines that were satisfying and worthwhile. I have served as interim pastor in Tokyo International Baptist church as well as Taipei, Taiwan. I am humbled by the events that have filled my life as a Christ follower. However, there is nothing that compares with the knowledge that my children have made a commitment to be a Christ-follower, and take their commitments to Him seriously. 3 John 4 sums it up for me, “Nothing makes me happier than to hear that my children live in the truth. "

2. Today we celebrate Father's Day. This is a day to honor fathers. It is a day to reflect on what it means to be a father. It is a day of challenge for renewal of ourselves as fathers. The American family is in crisis and the role of fathers is particularly crucial. The problems of fatherhood called forth a book by James Dobson on "Raising boys." A major thrust of the book is to emphasize the importance of being a father in today’s world of fatherless families.

Bill Glass is an evangelist who has counseled almost every weekend for 25 years with men who are in prison. He said that in all those years of dealing with male prisoners he never met one who genuinely loved his dad. Ninety-five percent of those on death row hated their fathers." In 1998 there were 1,202,107 people in federal or state prisons. Of that number 94 per cent were males. Of the 3452 prisoners awaiting execution, only 48 peasant were women. This is 98.6 percent males.
Some years ago, executives of a greeting card company decided to do something special for Mother's Day. They set up a table in a federal prison, inviting any inmate who so desired to send a free card to his mom. The lines were so long, they had to make another trip to the facility to get more cards. Due to the success of the event, they decided to do the same thing on Father‘s
Day, but this time no one came. Not one prisoner felt the need to send a card to his dad. Many had no idea who their fathers even were." (p.60)

3. This may sound extreme to us, but we only have to think of the desires of our children who want us to be a part of their lives and we are too busy. Dodson tells of a 58 years old man who was describing the memories of his father who was a pastor. The ministry consumed him. His father never came to a sporting event. As a senior in high school he was the starting guard on a winning football team. When they qualified for state the boy was desperate to have his father see him play. He begged, "Would you please be there on Friday night? It is very important to me." The father promised to come. On the night of the big game, the boy was on the field warming up when he saw his father enter the stadium with two other men wearing business suits.
They stood talking among themselves for a moment or two and then left. As the 58 years old man told this story, tears were streaming down his face, as he re-lived that moment of disappointment and rejection 40 years ago. When the father died, the man stood at 'his casket and said sorrowfully, "Dad, we could have shared so much love together--but I never really knew you." (p.57

4. We can repeat story after story about fathers who are good and who are bad. However, what we need is instruction from our Creator. When I first owned a computer I was also given a book of instructions which I ignored. Typically male in orientation I only read the instructions when things go badly. There are lots of things that look right when you are exploring a computer, but they don't work. A computer is unforgiving. You would think that a dot is not much different from a comma, but it doesn't allow any exceptions. When all else fails, read the instructions and follow them. There is tremendous wisdom given to us by our Lord. There is much said about being a father.

5. The model for being a father is no less than Our Father who art in heaven. He is the only one we can imitate. This knowledge must be channeled thru us to our children If we lose sight of what a father is to be based on the image of our Father, then we have some problems. I have known people who have difficulty thinking of God as father because their earthly father abused them and they had no respect for them. I had a student once whose father abused her sexually and it took years for her to heal and deal with the sin against her. Only as
she learned what a father really is by knowing Our Heavenly Father could she deal with the idea  of a father.
My own father was a good man in lots of ways, but he had his faults like anyone. I learned from his faults as well as the good things in his life. The reason I learned from his faults was the enlightenment of Scripture which told me what a Father ought to be.

Let's see what we can learn about imitating our Father.

I. The Father gives freedom

l. Our Father has made us to be free. This is the most remarkable fact of human existence. We are born to be free. There is a delicate balance that calls for perception on the  father‘s part. As the child grows and show responsibility the child is given greater freedom. This should normally increase until the child assumes total responsibility for itself.  As our children were growing up we were aware of their growing responsibility and growing freedom. One of the awareness moments came in the matter of clothing. My son needed some new clothes and we went to the men's store in Emporia. They had a sale on those Nehru suits that we popular for a while. They looked good and they fitted him, and the price was right.  Well, after doing this on my terms, he never wore them once. We got rid of them in a garage sale, never having been worn. The lesson I learned:  give him a clothing allowance, let him make the judgments himself, and he learned. The use of his allowance money in the process. I had not respected his need for freedom to make his decisions.

One of the saddest scenes I remember as a professor was a father and son who came to enroll for his last 6 hours of graduate work for a Master's degree. The son was looking over the offerings and wanted to take a couple of courses that seemed appealing to him. His father over ruled  and humiliated him by saying that was a dumb suggestion and you should not take those courses. Instead, take the two I have picked out for you.

2. Our Scripture tells the story of a young man who was entitled to only one third of his father’s estate. The callousness expressed is like my son coming to me and saying, "I can't wait around for you to die, so give me my inheritance now. I want to leave this dump.“ The father complied, but giving the rest of the story I can't help think there was a great sadness in the Father's heart because he feared for the son‘s future and wisdom.
Freedom is like a two-edged sword. It cuts both ways. Freedom is the means by which we choose to be truly human, and in the process imitating our Father in heaven, who is the only truly free being in the Universe. On the other hand, freedom is the means by which we descend into hell, rejecting true humanity, rejecting God, and in the process of freedom we give up our freedom to the Devil.

The Bible is full of stories  of fathers who gave  their sons too much freedom and their lives turned out to be a disaster. In the Old Testament there is the story of Eli who gave his sons too much freedom and they became wild, greedy, immoral and unrepentant.  " No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the Lord's people. If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?" His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the Lord's will to put them to death."  And disaster came upon them. They abused their freedom and suffered for it.

II. The  Father Mentors his children

1. A mentor is one who is entrusted with the education of another. We could use the word tutor, guide, teacher, advisor, coach, counselor, or advocate. The Barna survey of teens indicates that only ( ) percent think of truth as absolute or unchanging. Relativism, the idea that no right or wrong exists has permeated our society. If we are to raise children who respect the Lord we have to mentor them about right and wrong, truth and falsehood, good and bad. This is not done in one session. It is a daily experience. Do you, fathers, make the time for your most important charge? After Moses had repeated the 10 commandments he told the people, "Never forget these commands that I am giving you today. Teach them to your children. Repeat them when you are at home and when you are away, when you are resting and when you are working. Tie them on your arms and wear them on your foreheads as a reminder. Write them on the doorposts of your houses and on your gates." (Dt. 6:7-9)
Jesus stressed the importance of mentoring children. " Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.(Mt.l8:4-5)

2. Mentoring, teaching, happens at any time. Curious questions arising in the minds of young children need honest answers. A father must not beg off and say, "Go ask your mother."  Children need the loving input of the father. Psychiatrist Kyle Pruett, author of Fatherneed, wrote about the role of fathers,  l) There is an undeniable linkage between fathers and babies beginning at birth, (2) Infants as young as six weeks old can differentiate between a mother's and a father’s voice. (3) By eight weeks, babies can distinguish between their mother's and their father’s caretaking methods, (4) Infants are born with a drive to find and connect to their fathers. As they begin to speak, their word for "father" often precedes their word for "mother." The reasons for this are unknown.  . (5) Toddlers are especially obvious in their assertions of fatherneed: they will seek out their father, ask for him when he's not present, be fascinated when he talks to them on the phone and investigate every part of his body if allowed. (6) Teenagers express father need in yet more complex ways, competing with their father and confronting his values, beliefs, and of course, limits. For so many sons and daughters, it is only at the death of the father that they discover the intensity and longevity of their fatherneed, especially when it has gone begging." (Dobson, p. 55)
According to studies, there are two critical times in the life of a child, particularly a boy. Around 3-5 a boy gradually pulls away from his mom and sisters in an effort to develop a masculine identity. Boy crave the attention of their father. The second critical time is the onset of puberty, when both boys and girls experience "emotional and hormonal upheaval." Both boys and girls desperately need their father's supervision, guidance, and love." (p.57)

3. A mentoring father rejoices in the success of his teaching in his children. I failed in teaching my son to play baseball. It was too boring for him. But I did teach him to play racquetball. I was so thrilled the first time he beat me. Mentoring does not promote jealousy it rejoices in success. C.S. Lewis tells of a professor who had a number of students in his counsel, but when they exercised their freedom and began to challenge some of his thinking, he dropped them. Jealousy of success, jealousy of brilliance, jealousy of accomplishment cannot be a part ofa father's spirit.

In the teen years my wife had a challenge from our daughter. She was a good mentor. Our daughter would come with all kinds of questions. She wanted to do various things and she was told she could not. Those were not good things to do. Why not? Others are doing them? Elaine talked calmly in a rational way and Christian way about what was right and wrong. At time we thought we had lost her. Then Elaine began to hear the vary arguments she gave to Dalaine being repeated to the other girls. We rejoice when our children walk in the truth.

4. Do you seize the opportunity to mentor your children? Do you have time for them? Your most precious gift you can give your children is yourself a father who loves, takes time to talk, takes time to play with them, to fish, to hunt, ,whatever common interests are. Do you mentor your children? Do you have a family night? 

5. The rewards of mentoring are great. A couple of years ago I saw an email address of a former student at Wayland College where I taught from 60-66. He has been a medical missionary in Mexico for all these years. I wrote him and he replied: "I was one of your students at Wayland, Your class in hermeneutics (biblical interpretation) was probably one course that most affected my life. As a BSU summer Missionary to Jaurez, Mexicco, (63) I taught a bible course for folks in the slums from most every kind of background imaginable (JW., LDS, RC,Comm) This Gringo kid was no authority figure for them. I had my hermeneutics notes and the five basic rules were accepted by the group. After about a month of their reading and applying the rules thru Mark, some 36 were ready to make their decision to follow Christ."

III. The Father models

1. The father is a pattern, an example, a model set before the eyes of his children. Paul wrote to the Corinthians (1 Cor 4: 16) "Therefore I urge you to imitate me." The early Christians had no models to follow. It may sound presumptuous to us that Paul should write this, but he was the first generation Christian. They needed models of behavior. Children need models of behavior also. Fathers and Mothers are the early model of their lives. This model must be strong to endure during the peer pressure of school years.
2. I would like to suggest five areas for modeling. These areas could be expanded but they are basic to being a father-model.

A. Model holiness. One of the verses of Scripture that has been on my mind in recent times is the word of the Lord, ”Be holy for I am holy." (Lev. 11:45) ( Eph. 1:4) For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. (I Pet. 1:14-16) As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

The background of the importance of being holy is that we are set apart to the Lord. We are his. We are to be unique people. When God brought Israel out of slavery into the promised land, he warned them, You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. (Lev. 18:3) (Dt. 18:9-19) When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery,” interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, "'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.”  (Lev. 19:28)
Your bodies are sacred. They are special, and we are to give unto the Lord our total selves. 12:1-2   “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God‘s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God‘s will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

We are living in a culture that is becoming increasingly pagan. We were in a sandwich shop recently and our order was taken by a friendly lady. When  we came to pay for the meal  a young man appeared and when I looked at him I thought I was going to lose it. He had metal in his eyebrows, nose, ears, lips, and I can't remember all else. I don't know his motivation for all of this but I have seen young idol worshippers in Taipei who have pierced themselves with metal swords, and other types of practices. We are called to live holy lives involving the dedication of our bodies as living sacrifices to God. Model this for your children.

B. Model Love. God has given us the supreme example of sacrificial love. He loved and died for us while we were yet sinners. The father who models love expressed love not only in kindness and deeds, but in words as well. I am sure my father loved me, but I can't remember him ever telling me. My pastor said one Father‘s day, go home and tell your father that you love him. I was about 14 at the time, and I walked into the house, hugged my father and told him I love him.  It surprised him. I learned something from the Scripture that I never learned from my father.  Tell them you love them.  I have delighted  in telling my children since they were able to understand that I love them.  No phone call today is ended without my telling them that I love them. They know it, and I want them to know it directly. You heard it from me. Right here.

C. Model Forgiveness. Children and people in general need to know forgiveness. We learned it from Jesus and we are to forgive those who hurt us and children do hurt us as we hurt them. Early on I learned to ask my children for forgiveness when I hurt them. Sometimes I could not fulfill  my intentions for them (I never promised) and I needed to ask forgiveness. They were gracious and forgave me. Likewise, I tried to model forgiveness concerning their failures.

D. Model Patience. (Col.3:12)  “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ( Gal.5:22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience..." Patience is the ability to bear calmly  a situation that is contrary to your intended goals. Patience is needed the family is headed out the door to church and your daughter runs upstairs to wash her hair immediately. Patience is needed when your son and his friend decide to make a swimming pool on the den floor. You can fill in the blank where patience is needed in your family.

E. Model sharing .... Kids are taught to share toys with one another, but sharing in terms of giving money needs modeling as well. I learned to tithe when I was in high school. I remember having the remarkable sum of 3.75 cents in my pocket on the way to church. I decided to begin tithing then. I have kept the practice since. When the kids came along we modelled the concept of tithing to them and to our great joy they have adopted it. Model the good things of life and tithing is one of them.

Conclusion:   Remember the father in the story of the prodigal son.

Father’s Day,  Western Hills,  2002